DEVIL DOLLS!

People love being scared. People love to get the fear.Why do you think that horror movies have never suffered at the box office and Stephen King has sold around 30 squillion books!! So what scares you then?....the dark, small spaces, axe wielding maniacs(fair enough). I gotta say, for me its ghostly or demonic kids (The Omen), ghostly or demonic kids crying (Ju-on, Ring, The Orphanage) or fucking scary ass VENTRILOQUIST DUMMYS!!!! Holy shit they give me the fear! If you have one in your house...get out right now, seriously, its plotting some murderous scheme that involves turning its head around slowly and looking at you and tellin' you to murder that girl you might have a chance at nailin'!



The scary wee bollocks' have had a few go's at the big screen. I watched the most recent one last night...'Dead Silence' by James Wan the same fella who introduced us to the dubious pleasures of the Saw franchise! Wan uses those potent plot devices, the ventriloquist’s dummy(AAAARGH!) and an old nursery rhyme to piece together a gruesome tale of supernatural revenge. Unfortunately the cast are so supernaturally shit that it’s impossible to care about any of them. The dialogue is dire and cliched.."If you go looking for answers you just might find them!"(???)...."I'm not the same person you knew,a stroke will do that to a man"...No shit!!!
But, after saying all that...I really enjoyed it. Its very well shot and has a surreal sorta feel to it, and the flashback scenes are great,and the dummy is the total double of Gary Numan! In one scene there are about 100 of the wee bastards on screen at once(new y-fronts please!) Anyway, any movie that has a scary wee ol' bastard of a puppet in it is always worth a look! Check these pant wetting 3 and half foot horrors---



MAGIC-1978-Dir.Dickie Attenborough-Starring-Anthony Hopkins

Hopkins portrays Corky Withers, a painfully shy but talented magician who overcomes his stage fright when he takes on a sidekick--an extroverted and bawdy ventriloquist's dummy he names Fats. As Corky's act becomes more and more popular and draws the attention of big-time agents and Hollywood brass, introverted and insecure Corky allows the artificial Fats personality to take control.

Quote--"Lets go up those stairs, and kiss that girl goodbye!"

Scary Bastard?--Yeah, would be scarier though if he did'nt wear my Dads jumpers!


DEEP RED-1975-Dir.Dario Argento-Starring-David Hemmings

Dario's masterpiece and the best giallo of all time.Dario consolidated his position as Italy's king of terror with this truly frightening horror thriller.The plot drifts into the world of childhood nightmares, a mother's body decapitated by a lift, a nursery rhyme and a fresco depicting a strange murder. This is one of the best movies ever and the one that brought him to the attention of Hitchcock! Ok, not really a demonoic doll movie, but, one does appear as a distraction before a murder and your mind goes!

Quote--"Hehehhehhehheheh" He does'nt talk...just laughs!

Scary Bastard?--Totally, and hes fully motorised so he could chase you around the house!



DEAD OF NIGHT-1945-Dir.Charles Crichton-Starring-Michael Redgrave
A pioneering horror classic, and still one of the most successful anthologies to date, with five different stories directed by four different directors.'The Ventriloquist's Dummy', featuring Michael Redgrave's unforgettable performance as a ventriloquist whose dummy gets the upper hand. The dummy's name is Hugo and he is without a doubt the scariest wooden wee shit ever...and believe me the films final scene with Hugo will give you nightmares...forever and ever!


Quote--"But it doesn't end there. You see, everybody in this room is part of my dream. Everybody."

Scary Bastard?--Your worst nightmare!!



Ventriloquist Dummies don't have to appear on the big screen to give you the fear check out these little terrors--
WEE WELL DRESSED BASTARD

THE ONLY TIME YOU'LL BE AFRAID OF ANYTHING GINGER!

THE DEMONIC ROGER MOORE

CROSS DRESSING HAS ALWAYS BEEN SCARY

A DEMONIC LITTLE BROTHER

.....AND HUGO!

REAL HORRORSHOW!

I found this greatness the other day....I had totally forgot about it. 3 Chidleys on their way to see 'Stoug Danhope'. Pete paid £4.95 for a tour of Edinburgh Dungeon....he'll remember that yin!

HULK-TACULAR!

There are some superheroes who really don't need much of an introduction. We all know that Superman's from Krypton; that Spider-Man was bitten by some kind of fucked-up spider; and that Bruce Banner, when he gets angry, becomes the Hulk. I was angry by the time I had left the cinema after watching this...but did'nt HULK out. Why? Cause I was bored! Inevitably this 'Incredible Hulk' is gonna be compared to Ang lee's 'Hulk'...and in some ways its better. The new movie, by comparison, is very pacey. The opening credits gets the Hulk's origin out of the way and then 20 minutes later we actually see him in action. In Ang Lee's movie Hulk does'nt show up for about an hour or so, the acting is far from energetic and the dialogue is tedious. But the new movie fares no better. There is no chemistry between Ed Norton and Liv Tyler...I read that Ed had rewrote some of the script (I hear he does this a lot!)...Why Ed? It could'nt have been any f**kin' worse...it plods along for 2 hours...more coffee please! Now the Hulk is one of Marvel's characters that does'nt really transfer that well on to the big screen...his origin, his emotional state, his journey...whatever all beg to be put on to the big screen...but the character itself always suffers on screen 'cause hes entirely CGI..he does'nt look REAL. At the end of the new movie theres a huge smack down between Hulk and The Abomination, I felt like I was watching a PS3 game...either that or Shrek! Now the last 20 minutes of Ang Lee's movie is severe, cause the screen is'nt filled with CGI bullshit and the focus changes all the time with split screen work and sliding panel wipes which makes the movie feel more like a comic book.

Anyway, both movies are brave and shite with a few good bits in each. Between them you woulda thought that there coulda been one half decent movie. Well at least he kept the fanboys happy in the new movie by sayin' "HULK SMASH".....HULK WASTE 2 HOURS OF JONNY'S LIFE, HULK COST JONNY £5.00, HULK COST JONNY £2.00 PARKIN', HULK BIG MUSCLE MARY!

Anyway enough of that brown....the Hulk is a great hero, a tragic hero...you want the Real Hulk, read these---

PLANET HULK-By Greg Pak

Planet Hulk is the epic storyline that defined the Hulk for over a year. The Illuminati (Iron Man, Mr.Fantastic,Dr. Strange, Namor,Black Bolt and Prof. X) conspire against Bruce Banner and banish the ultra-violent Hulk to an idyllic planet, where he can live out his days in peace, and never again posing a threat to the "puny humans" of Planet Earth. Anyway, the idyllic planet turns out to be a repressed backwater under the dictatorship of the Red King, a cruel bastard who revels in staging massive gladiatorial spectacles to be televised throughout the empire. The exotic aliens forced into combat include intelligent hive insects, rock monsters, and a certain nigh-invulnerable green giant who earns the name "Green Scar". While the set-up sounds like a retelling of a certain Russell Crowe movie, fans soon got a clue that something far more interesting is in store. This was a lot better than it shoulda been and is well worth a squint.

WORLD WAR HULK-By Greg Pak

The follow up to planet hulk. The Hulk and his Warbound have obtained a vessel that will take them back to Earth, where he will exact his revenge. He gives an ultimatum: give him the people who shot him into space, or he will smash the entire planet. No shit..Hulk is pissed off, totally! He fights just about everybody and lets be honest...they don't have a hope. World War Hulk was not the greatest but is was a spectacle to say the least. Marvel are makin' an animated movie based on it.

RETURN OF THE MONSTER-By Bruce Jones

It’s a subtle interpretation of The Hulk. Jones cuts the action as the Hulk explodes into a rage of fury, focussing on the events that trigger the transformation and the aftermath of the destruction.Banner is a man on the run, both from the authorities and himself; a haunted figure who moves from place to place, following news reports of his alter ego's destructive rampages and trying desperately to keep the beast inside him at bay through techniques like meditation and self-hypnosis. Via his laptop, Bruce communicates with an enigmatic idividual he calls Mr. Blue, who tells him when he is safe and when the authorities are closing in.The new movie has taken a few elements from Jones' runWhile its an innovative take on the jade giant, you can’t help but crave some hardcore ‘Hulk smash’ action. after sayin' that its still a classic.

HULK:THE END-By Peter David

This has to be my favourite Hulk story.The Incredible Hulk, is the last man on Earth. It's the Hulk's final battle, as "The Last Titan" wrestles his inner-demons in order to discover his place in a dying world - if only he can survive! Banner attempts to finally rid himself of his lonely existence, but naturally, Hulk not be having that. Banner is an old man now, on his last legs...his heart threatens to give out so he panics and when this happens...naturally he turns into The HULK.The End is a startlingly poignant and even somewhat frightening tale of a would-be demise of the jade giant.

DELIVERANCE II

SOUTHERN COMFORT YA SAY!!! .....Theres NOT much comfort for the fellas in Walter Hill's criminally underated 1981 movie! In the 70's and 80's you'd have been forgiven for thinking that Walter Hill might have been the next Sam Peckinpah...his movies were never genre specific,he loved action and he liked a his cinematic carnage to be in your face! His early movies are totally amazing 'The Long Riders', 'The Driver', '48 Hours' and of course 'The Warriors'. Southern Comfort is fairly similar sorta storyline to The Warriors but instead of a gang of 1970's disco-ed up street urchins...who are'nt 'packin'... in Southern Comfort they are a section of 1980's part-time National Guard...who are'nt 'packin'. The action is moved from the streets of New York to The Louisiana swamp land.

So, what happens...Eight part-time National Guardsmen embark on weekend training manoeuvres in the southern swamplands, the eight men represent a variety of personalities....but the two main characters are Spencer(Keith Carradine) the intellectual cynic, and Hardin(Powers Booth) the Texan survivalist and hater of the six-toe redneck mentality. But it is this big eared, hick,hillbilly mentality of some of their comrades, and their failure to respect

the local Cajun population, that ultimately gets the entire squad into deep, deep, deep shit! Lost in unfamiliar territory and hunted by the people who make the bayou their home, the soldiers strive to find their way out in one piece with only a few rounds of live ammunition. If their Cajun pursuers don't kill them, they just might kill each other.......Welcome to the Louisiana National Guard! The locals go to great lengths to torment the hapless soldiers, laying booby traps marked with an equal number of animal skins...seven soldiers, seven dead rabbits, and seven bear traps...Southern Comfort buys into the whole Backwoods Brutality genre created in the 1970s by films like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), The Hills Have Eyes (1977) and in particular Deliverance (1972). These films tended to portray a huge difference between unassuming city folk and the people living in backwoods America, and to huge effect...when you think of hillbilly folk you think of horror movies right? I think Walter sees Southern Comfort as his protest against the Vietnam war, which is around the time when the movie is set...out-of-their depth US servicemen and a native enemy who justify their extreme behaviour on the grounds they're protecting what's theirs, you don't have to look too hard to see that the film has a lot to say about Vietnam.

Southern Comfort is Walter's best movie...technically anyway, the tension he creates is is taut to say the least...I find myself thinking when I watch it 'if I was in that situation...I'd be totally fucked..seriously fellas don't expect me to do anything but rock back and forward while holding my kness!' Check out Southern Comfort, believe me, you'll never feel the same way about Cajun chicken again!

GRINDHOUSE??.....SHITEHOUSE!!

Can someone please tell Quentin Tarantino to stop making movies! If theres a petition to sign...I'll sign it, if theres an email that needs forwarding...I'll forward it and if theres a helpline that needs manned...I'll man it. Quentin has'nt made a good movie since 'Pulp Fiction'! 'Jackie Brown' starts well and tails off half way thru. Kill Bill Vol.1 and Vol.2 apart from 2 great fights suck ass...hes rips off movies he thinks no-one else has seen like 'Thriller-They call her One Eye' and 'Lady Snow Blood' and repackages it for fans that are waiting for another Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs.
Death Proof is supposed to be a tribute to bad movies but sadly it just turns into a bad movie. Ok, I admire the intent..but the execution!!!Total brown! I read that he said this was the best dialogue he had ever written. F**k me...Quentin reel yourself in! Its the most unnatural, overblown, boring, irritating dialogue ever, and because of it his characters are shit and impossible to relate to...and in terrible need of a dog's beating!Quentin doesn't deliver on his own premise. In a proper grindhouse movie, absolutely anything goes--except for the one terrible taboo you must never break: whatever you do, never bore the audience....too late.....bored shitless! I don't think that Quentin has anything left to say cinematically and he is'nt half as hip as he thinks he is, you would'nt mind bullshit dialogue if it was in the least bit funny...but, its not. Death Proof feels like a tiresome Tarantino parody...so do yourself a favour, watch the AMAZING fake trailers and Robert Rodriguez's good movie trying to be bad, where anything goes...'Planet Terror'
I read an interview in a movie mag saying that Quentin said he was known for ressurecting old genres!! Well Quentin, if by old genres you mean shit movies? I'm sorry to tell you Hollywood have been doing that for years!

DIARIO DE LOS MUERTOS!

Y'know, this ‘Blair Witch’ style shaky-cam, in your face, horror movie fad thats goin' on right now is gettin' very old very quickly.As a sub-genre in the world of exploitation films, the faux documentary has a short history.Check out the 'found' footage of natives impaled on poles in Ruggero Deodato's 80's video nasty list botherer Cannibal Holocaust...the chills of The Last Broadcast or the sheer brilliance of brains over budget in The Blair Witch Project (new y-fronts please!). Recently, we've had to sit thru the Beverley Hills 90210 boring tedium that is 'Cloverfield' and the zombie master Mr George A. Romero returned with the disappointing 'Diary of the Dead'. So why bother watching this exhausted style of film making? Because [REC] may be the best zombie movie I've seen since 'Day of the Dead' A bold statement? Well, not really...'cause its true!

A Spanish horror following a Barcelona news station's coverage of a night at a fire station. Young and feisty reporter Angela (Velasco) and unseen cameraman Pablo are struggling for action from a sleepy fire brigade shift to interest potential viewers when an emergency call comes in seeking help for a trapped woman in an apartment block. Arriving at the scene, they find all the other tenants downstairs with two police officers and confusion over exactly what is going on. The rescue attempt ends in flesh-eating madness...where else would you get it?? The undead are at it again in a claustrophobic and genuinely taut 80 minutes of panic.[Rec] cranks up the tension to make the final five minutes extremely unsettling even after the shocks that have come before it. Gripping, authentic, convincing and unsettling....don't be put off by its gimmicky title, this movie is amazing and has the scariest kid since the exorcist. More good zombie movies please...any chance?

GOOD COP/BAD COP?

What happened to all the big screen cops? Where did they go? Whens the last time you seen a really good cop movie? Can't remember...no shit, neither can I?!? "But what about Street kings?"...don't waste your time,its pretty shitty..which is a real disappointment because it was directed by David Ayer who wrote 'Training Day' and 'Harsh Times', both great movies.Meanwhile in Street Kings Keanu Reeves is tryin' to act the hard lad which is pretty much impossible when he can't act for shit anyway! Forrest Whittaker phoning in his performance, Hugh Laurie spluttering out another generic american accent...well thats a bit harsh as hes probably doin' the best he can with the crappy dire-logue thats on display. Anyway heres a list of big screen cops that Keanu shoulda taken a few tips from--


GOOD COP or BAD COP?---Good Cop!
Daniel Auteuil plays Leo Vrinks in the superior french cop movie '36'. Vrinks and his crew use questionable methods to take down a gang of bank robbers who leave no witnesses. Often compared to Michael Mann's 'HEAT'..which is bullshit cause this movies characters are a lot more believeable.
QUOTE-"If I see you and your brother here again you'll wake up with his head inside your belly"

GOOD COP or BAD COP?---Bad Cop!

Denzel Washington plays Alonso a narcotics officer who is a crooked, burnt-out, streetwise cop and Ethan Hawke is a 'wet-behind-the-ears' clueless rookie. Alonso has his own ideas about how to 'PROTECT AND SERVE'

QUOTE---"You got today and today only to show me who and what you're made of. You don't like narcotics, get the fuck out of my car. Go get you a nice, pussy desk job, chasing bad checks or something, you hear me?

GOOD COP or BAD COP?---Shit cop!
Al pacino plays Vincent Hanna, an Armani suit wearin' mid-nineties cop who only catches the crooks cause he can shout louder and over act better than any one else in Michael Mann's 'Heat'. Vincent's personality is in direct contrast to De Niro's character's understated,cool persona.
QUOTE---"Don't waste my motherfucking time!" (at an annoying loud volume of course)




GOOD COP or BAD COP?---The badest,badass cop ever!

Vic Mackey is a force of nature and not to be fucked with! He shoots other cops in the face, steals $10mill
ion from mad-dog armeanians and basically takes no shit! But if your one of his boys, he'll have your back. Ok, so Vic is not a big screen cop, but he has to get amention cause The Shield is the best show on TV.

QUOTE---Captain Aceveda "You need to cool down and step back from this"
Det Vic Mackey "I don't step back...I step up"



GOOD COP or BAD COP?---Deviant Cop
Harvey Keitel plays the Bad Lieutenant,gambler,thief,junkie,killer,cop. If hes not crying while free basing hes blowing his muck over car doors---nice fella! A hard movie to watch but you cant spend your life watchin' The Wizard of OZ.
QUOTE---"What the fuck are you? A drug counsellor... or a drug dealer? If you don't deal your own product, what kind of businessman are you?"


GOOD COP or BAD COP?---Foul mouthed Cop!
Mark Wahlberg plays Captain Dignam a total ball buster who uses more bad language in 15 minutes than most people do in their entire life time.
QUOTE---"Hey asshole, he can't help you! I know what you are, okay? I know what you are and I know what you are not. I'm the best friend you have on the face of this earth, and I'm gonna help you understand something, you punk. You're no fuckin' cop! "



GOOD COP or BAD COP?---Unlucky Cop

Jason Patric is Det.Sgt.Nick Tellis and undercover NARC who gets suspended after a stray bullet hits a pregnant woman during a drug bust. A great undercover guy...but too smart for his own good.

QUOTE---"You two had better get a goddamn groove going, 'cause you're in a life and death struggle as of right fucking now! "




GOOD COP or BAD COP?---Dumb ass cop!

Stallone plays Freddy Heflin in Copland, an oafish loser cop whos the sheriff of Garrison, a town populated by cops most of them dirty. Freddy needs to grow a set of balls before he can do the right thing. Sheriff Freddy Heflin....say it quick enough and it sounds like Chief Wiggum!

QUOTE---"I look at this town, and I don't like what I see. " (boring quote. I know!)

"..IT COULD BLOW YOUR HEAD CLEAN OFF!"

OK, so this is'nt gonna be the most popular opinion I've ever had but, I think Magnum Force is a better movie than Dirty Harry! Don't get me wrong, I love Dirty Harry its a great movie, but I think Magnum Force is better....its certainly not as well directed as Dirty Harry,but it is better written ,better acted and the soundtrack by Lalo Schifrin is a total classic! A well-measured blend of suspense and action, the synergy of the script and acting make Magnum Force a contender for the strongest entry in the "Dirty Harry" series of films and a classic film in its own right. And holy shit...the violence! Someone is trying to put the courts of San Francisco out of business.Underworld crime figures that have luckily escaped prosecution are being murdered across San Francisco one by one, and Harry Callahan is called in to investigate, despite the reluctance of Lt. Briggs (Hal Holbrook), who doesn't want to go near the case. It appears that someone is giving the criminals the justice they deserve!...."Nothing wrong with shooting, as long as the right people get shot." quips Harry.Magnum Force sports impressive writing credits with the screenplay by John Milius (Apocalypse now, Conan the Barbarian) and Michael Cimino (Silent Running, The Deer Hunter),and acting debuts from David Soul and Robert Ulrich.
Magnum Force is total rip n' smash and it paved the way for the rest of the Dirty Harry movies...as bad as they were..and Harry made wearing V-neck jumpers under blazers cool!

SURVIVAL HORROR!

ZOMBIES RULE.... thats a fact! Just ask George A. Romero. They rule and they are relentless! There are a lot of amazing zombie movies out there but not many zombie comics, good ones anyway...well there is one....Robert Kirkman's 'Walking Dead' this comic grabs you by the throat,bites you on the arm,rips open your belly and makes you wanna know what happens next. Kirkman and Moore totally nail the survivalist feelings of living in a zombie world and they aren't so focused on the gore and horror(but not to worry, theres quite a bit) that they can't put in a well-developed set of characters,situations and prediciments. Ok the first few pages is nothing new to the zombie enthusiast,waking up in a hospital bed and finding themselves in a vastly changed world is a cliche that has played out in all kinds of stories, the gathering of weapons and supplies is nothing new either, but if you are into the whole zombie thing you'll know that this is industry standard...and I love it. What Kirkman does though is he makes this feel fresh and not cliched, his story is steeped in 'Zombie tradition' and instead of focusing on how or what happened and trying to stop it, Kirkman focuses on how everyday people would deal with it.The story is told in black and white, a great choice reminiscent of George Romero's classic Night of the Living Dead. Now I'm not sure how long this title is gonna run or if Kirkman has an final issue in mind,but there are 44 issues rigt now that about 7 volumes.......and the next volume promises to be a belter(those who read the title know what I'm talkin' about). "'The Walking Dead is about a small town cop, Rick Grimes, and his epic story of protecting his family and staying alive in a world ruled by hordes of undead zombies, I like to call it the zombie movie that never ends." explains Kirkman.If your not reading 'Walking Dead' right now...start reading it...its a must for any zombie fan and a nice change from the men in tights!

ULTIMATE DC!

SUPERMAN.....is the ELVIS of the DC universe, he is the ELVIS of the comic book universe! Sure there were comic book heroes before him but he was the first real SUPER HERO. I gotta say though I've never been a big fan of super man, his powers always seemed so ill-defined there was nothing he could'nt do, no threat he could'nt over come, no villain he could'nt defeat (yet, I love the movies...he translates on to the big screen perfectly)..and I've never been a big fan of Grant Morrison his run on the X-MEN was overstated,overrated and very dull...and quite frankly I've never been a big fan of DC comics, their characters seem like a bunch of pristine, infalable do-gooders! (Batman excluded of course!). This new "All-Star" line from DC is comprable to Marvels "Ultimate" universe so it does'nt interfere with the normal continuity of DC's other titles.So why pick this title up??? 'Cause its totally f**kin' amazin'!! The origin of Superman, for example, is explained on the first page. It's told in four panels and eight words..."Doomed planet", "Desperate scientists", "Last hope", "Kindly couple"... It's a great idea as there can't be many people who don't know this back story and we are'nt bored shitless with a dreary old origin issue.What makes All-Star Superman so immensely enjoyable is the way Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely succeed in exploring all that makes Superman such a vibrant and timeless creation,from the inner workings and culture of Kryton, his supporting cast and the character himself. Its funny,almost slapstick at times and sci-fi to the max!Morrison's unique and totally out there storytelling style, and Frank Quitely's beautifully strange artistic style, thats so otherworldly that it almost seems alien...his art belongs on the big screen!He is a sclose to Moebius as your gonna get.
Ok, Ok enough gushing...about the storylines..where to start?? Bizarro, alternate supermen, Kryptonian scientists,subterranian monsters,Lois Lane,The Fortress of Solitude,The Bottled City of Kandor, Phantom Zone,Superman Robots,quirky sci-fi,weird futurism and of course Lex Luthor. I don't want to spoil any of it for you, just do yourself a favour and pick up All-Star Superman...you will never have read anything like it!!

MERCY BULLETS!

FRANK CASTLE.. Marvel's favorite mentally unstable, large-caliber-gun-toting vigilante is back in the Marvel mainstream! In the early 90's The Punisher was all over the shelves, he had 3 titles..Punisher:WarJournal, Punisher:War Zone and of course Punisher(!). The character suffered because of it...each title became very watered down and the use of 'Mercy bullets' was gettin' silly, so Franko's over exposure killed any hard-ass attitude he ever had. Then Belfast's own Garth Ennis picked him up 'Welcome Back Frank'...it was about time! Anyway, Garth Ennis writes the definitive Punisher, no doubt, but Matt Fractions War Journal is severe...Frank has never been so drole, chatty and well drawn...and holy shit, hes been at the bullworker! Its great to see him interacting with the rest of the Marvel universe, villains and heroes! And lets face it...The Punishers Civil Warand World War Hulk tie-in's where easily the best out there! Frank and Captain America goin' on black ops together then bastardisin' the Venom symbiote to help out the little folks....go for it Franko!Punisher War Journal is'nt the best book out there but it will make you crack a smile you're,and its different, its sorta like Dan Slott's first run on She-Hulk. Matt Fractions idea to turn him into a psychopathic Captain America was a gem, and givin him a taste of the Venom symbiote too...whats not to like!

SECRET WARS IV

Dwayne McDuffie is something of an anomaly amongst contemporary comic book writers in that he wastes no time at all. His plots move at a breakneck pace and I'm not complaining. Here, a motley group of superheroes are snatched by the Beyonder and set against each other. His terms: Whoever kills the others will get whatever they desire....you know the score with the Beyonder, hes a terrible bore! We got Spiderman (sorta?) Medusa,Hank Pym, The Wasp,Gravity,Deathlok, The Hood,Kraven,Firebird and Macdonald Gargan who has Venom sticking to him like a rash! B-listers all...oh aye and thers a few surprise Villains too. Naturally the Beyonder sends them to his old stompin' ground...Battleworld! If you want a simple, exciting super-hero story, you’d be hard pressed to do better than Dwayne McDuffie, he does a great job here its funny,action packed and a bit of a diversion from all the other heavy Marvel Universe in peril sorta madness thats goin' on right now.....Its a about a bunch of Super powered oddballs being yelled at by glowing ball of light..ok?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

THE ILLUMINATI, in the Marvel Universe, is an unofficial group made up of Iron Man, Dr. Strange, Black Bolt, Charles Xavier, Reed Richards, and Namor. They represent almost all of the major players in one way or another, and.. well, let's be honest: they're a real handy story telling device. They have taken it upon themselves to meet secretly and basically police everybody else and take action on all of the weighty problems that plague the Marvel universe, unbeknownst to everybody else of course....and they severely fuck it up!! In issue #1 they step up to THE KREE/SKRULL WAR. They arrive on the Skrull homeworld and basically tell them that if they try any shapeshifting/invasion style nonsense again they will get their big ass green lantern jaws kicked! This hard-ass talk results in their capture and a subsequent period of torture/experimentation.They escape and do some damage along the way resulting in a bunch of pissed off Desperate Dan lookalikes swearing revenge...(Secret Invasion...gaggin!!) Another really smart move was exiling The Hulk into space,OK, Namor did'nt agree with this "HE WILL COME BACK AND KILL YOU ALL") ,but the rest of the interfering busy-bodies were totally up for it...and naturally, they totally fucked that up too! Issue #2 deals with The Illuminati quietly gathering the Infinity Gems, they sorta make a bollox of that too,I mean they must do The Watcher turns up to have a nosey. When Uatu arrives on the scene you just know its not gonna bode well! Reed decides to distribute the Gems between them...you just know that this is gonna come back and bite them in the ass...lets hope so!Now, the next two issues were a little bit more of a let down for me. Issue #3 is a massive RETCON concerning the Beyonder and the whole Secret Wars event...did it happen? did it not happen?..who knows? Its all a bit pointless really but still good fun and with Jim Cheung on art duties you're never bored! Issue #4 the boys attempt to show Marvel Boy (Noh-Varr) that he could be the heroic successor of Mar-Vell(not gonna happen!)..Namor's dialogue in this issue is hilarious and the first few pages are great...you see a different side to the Illuminati.

Now, issue #5....HOLY SHIT!...what a total classic! Know that this book is the big payoff it was purported to be, and that any fan of Marvel would be out of their minds to miss out on this really huge event. The goal of the Brians was to kick up the paranoia quotient in the Marvel Universe, and among the readership and its a job well done...permission to shout out loud and punch some air! This issue helps cement that there’s been some masterful plotting going on for quite some time. Luke Cage hit upon it in New Avengers, but Iron Man really drives it home as he analyzes all of the calamities that have befallen the Marvel Universe in recent years. An alien force walks among the heroes, and they’re cunning,smart,hard as nails and totally, totally pissed off! Don't really wanna spoil anything else, but you gotta have some sorta idea who the Skrull is in the Illuminati?? Its not hard to figure out! You gotta pick up New Avengers:Illuminati...its great to see Marvels heavy hitters make a total balls of everything even though the're just trying to do the right thing in their own pompous,elitist sorta way! Namor comes off the best, he's a character I never really liked but he has all the best lines...who'd of thought it?? Remember ........."THIS WORLD HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM YOU..."

WHO CAN YOU TRUST?

Well, Marvel has finally unwrapped its big 2008 event, 'SECRET INVASION'! Marvel heroes have had a lot to deal with in the past few years-The Avengers being torn apart in 'AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED' Mutants almost being exterminated in 'HOUSE OF M' Hero against Hero in 'CIVIL WAR' and The Hulk out for blood in 'WORLD WAR HULK' and now Secret Invasion sees the Skrulls hatch a plan to attack our Heroes from the inside by breeding paranoia and distrust....Invasion of the Bodysnatchers meets Marvel-I'm almost jumpin' up and down while I'm writing this!

In New Avengers #31,Electra was revealed as a Skrull this sent The New Avengers into paranoid overdrive! What did this mean? Who else were Skrulls? Was this an Invasion? Who can you trust? Its a 8 issue event written by Bendis and drawn by Yu...I'm salivating...Mr Nicholas Fury returns....again, I'm drooling! Heres hoping it turns out to be as good as it sounds what with World War Hulk not being the greatest.

At the Baltimore Comic-Con Bendis said-"We will reveal EVERYTHING in this story. This is the pay off of a storyline that has been simmering for years. This story has a beginning middle and end. And it's a hell of an ending. That is a promise. No 'X-Files' BS here. This is the entire thing. And while this story is told in the main series, in both Avengers titles we will have an all star line-up of artists helping to show you what has really gone on in the Marvel Universe the entire time—who exactly the Skrulls were and what they did to set the stage for this monumental invasion."

Like I said...I'm Gaggin'!!!

GOOD COP BAD COP!

Joe Carnahan's Narc is exactly the kind of film that you need to see on the small screen-gritty,tough,intelligent and as close to a 70's cop drama as your gonna get these days! Nick Tellis (Jason Patric) is a suspended narcotics officer recruited to investigate the murder of Michael Calvess, a rookie cop killed under mysterious circumstances. Tellis is teamed with Calvess's partner, Henry Oak (Ray Liotta), a hot-tempered renegade who'll stop at nothing to avenge his friend's death. Patric and Liotta are a cop tag-team consisting of Frank Serpico and Popeye Doyle and totally bounce off each other really well,both giving severe performances that leave the supporting cast in the shade. The real star of the show though is Carnahan,his gritty low-budget style is compelling (the opening scene is a total classic it really grabs you by the balls!)and he has the good cop/bad cop formula down pat, while still injecting something fresh.His dialogue is real and fluid and the split screen scene 22 minutes in is great and is a homage to the The French Connection...and why not...if your gonna pay homage to something pay homage to The French Connection...right?

BONNIE AND CLYDE GO TEX MEX!

PERDITA DURANGO....is based on Barry Gifford's novel "59* and Raining: The Story Of Perdita Durango" and is directed by the masterful Alex de la Iglesia. (Day of the Beast, Muertos de Risa) Rosie Perez is Perdita(the same character was played by Isabella Rossellini in Wild at Heart), a ball-bustin hard ass clad in a Tura Satana style black outfit,She meets Romeo (Javier Bardem), a maniacal criminal who also happens to be an even more demonic witch doctor(he calls himself a scientist!)! Romeo practices santeria (voodoo,baby). In one ritualistic scene, he drenches himself in blood and smothers his face in a bag of cocaine. He then hacks limbs off of a corpse, tears out its heart and writhes around on the ground, channeling multitudes of demons, then groovin' to the beat-nik sounds of Herb Alpert...whats not to like! James Gandolfini plays a DEA agent whose tracking down Romeo, but unlucky for him hes always on the receiving end of beatings, car crashes and on top of that speaks with a lisp....Wile E. Coyote!!
Romeo is hired by kingpin Marcelles Santos (Don Stroud, but the same character was played by J.E. Freeman in 'Wild At Heart') to use his powers to drive a truck across the Mexican border to Las Vegas. The refrigerated truck is loaded with human foetuses destined for a U.S. cosmetics company for use in facial cremes.When Romeo plans a santeria ceremony before the job, Perdita convinces him not only to use a live human sacrifice, but to use a "gringo". The pair cross the border to an Arizona part town, and kidnap blonder than blonde college students Duane (Harley Cross) and Estelle (Amiee Graham, Heather's sister).... then,what can I tell you, as Ozzy would say.."Let the madness commence"

Perdita Durango is one hell of movie, a lost gem. It mixes so many genres, just think Faster Pussycat meets Wild at heart. Well, what can you expect from Barry Gifford the high priest of noir fiction and the author of Wild at Heart and Pedro Almodovar's protege Alex de la Iglesia, director of the amazing 'Day of the Beast'. It is incredibly well filmed,edited and scipted and peppered with great supporting roles..look out for the amazing Santiago Segura! Iglesia's movies are very hard to get your hands on but its worth the hassle he has more flair than most of the Hollywood wannabe hacks that are out there right now. Get Perdita Durango on DVD now...you won't regret it but for gods sake don't get the butchered US version 'Dance with the Devil' its cut by about 30mins or so.....Brother Voodoo was not happy!

THE REVOLUTION WILL BE PUBLICISED!

Ok, so I know I've already done a section on Bendis' New Avengers (and The Mighty Avengers)but I feel like a wanna do a brief recap as #26-#31 as just been collectively released as 'REVOLUTION'. I'm a big fan of The New Avengers,but I gotta say it reads better in trade form than it does in single issues(lets be honest,most of Bendis' single issues you can read in less than 5 minutes),the flashback style narritive sits a lot easier and the constant scapes with Electra and the Hand makes it a lot pacier and this is easily the best storyline since 'BREAKOUT'(ok, you gotta love 'Secrets and Lies').
Maya Lopez was sent to take on the Japanese underworld by Captain America and The Avengers. Thanks to the Civil War, she doesn’t really know what to do. To make things worse, Elektra and the Hand make Echo their next target.When Echo gets captured The New Avengers arrive in a cloud of Dr. Strange's love mist, Cage kicks Electra in the clam and beatings are handed out street-gang style. Now, a lot of Marvel fans have been commenting on how much they don't like or even hate Leinil Yu's work on this title...can't get my head around that at all!!!!His panel placement is great his full or half page group action pieces are amazing and like I said in a previous post the grittiness of his work is in keeping with the title. I don't think his work would be as well suited to a single character title but for the New Avengers he's perfect.

I was really lookin' forward to seeing the New Avengers go head-to-head with Starks crew(my god...I'm calling Iron Man Stark now!!!Mark Miller and Bendis have totally turned him into Marvel's hate figure!!) but the final confrontation was a bit of a let down,but what did happen was still cool(trying not to give too much away).And we finally find out who Ronin is...well this I will spoil for you...its Clint Barton-"Why are'nt you storming that Avengers 'Tower' and shoving the superhuman registration act up Tony Stark's @#$?"..HAWKEYE is back in formation!

Pick up Bendis' and Yu's New Avengers...its rip n' smash...it would be Skrully of you not to!

The Tenant

Roman Polanski has issues...no doubt! Watch 'The Tenant'(1976) and tell me otherwise. You are either gonna love this movie or loathe it...it is not a simple film to watch, its multi-layered and there are numerous theories about its message,meanings and plot(probably the most interesting is the presence of Egyptian symbols displayed in props in many scenes, a reincarnation thing could be goin' on, Trelkovsky and Simone are in reality the same person, which would explain the scene where Trelkovsky sees himself in his apartment. It follows, that the scene where Trelkovsky stares at Simone is the very same scene, subject to some sorta time warp. The bathroom represents a funeral chamber (as denoted by the hieroglyphs), which places Simone in this scene as a mummy, because of her appearance,)this is a slow burning and genuinely chilling film which creates an almost unbearable feeling of tension.The third of Polanski's trilogy dealing with entrapment and paranoia (Repulsion and Rosemary's Baby explore similar themes), The Tenant owes something to Hitchcock and something to the director's enduring fascination with madness. Polanski stars as Trelkovsky, a Polish-born French citizen who moves into an apartment whose previous tenant committed suicide. Over the course of the film, Trelkovsky comes to believe that his tenants are engaged in a conspiracy to drive him to suicide by forcing him to take on the personality of the dead woman.In the final 15 minutes The Tenant descends into darkness and outright horror and the conclusion doesn't really solve anything,but thats not the point...the whole journey is stylish and often unnerving, not least for the sight of Polanski in a dress, stroking his stocking-clad legs then softly declaring, "I think I'm pregnant".

So yeah....Roman has issues alright!!

TO LIVE AND DIE AND L.A.

Although horribly undervalued at the time of its cinema release, this is one of the few post-Exorcist movies by director Friedkin that is actually worth watching....Petersen and Pankow play a couple of dedicated cops who, unable to get official funding to launch a sting operation against muderous counterfeiter Dafoe, decide to plan a robbery to acquire the money to go it alone. Money, money, money thats what the movie revolves around, money and counterfeit money,counterfeit relationships,counterfeit motives and counterfeit cops. The counterfeit cop in question is Richard Chance (Peterson) who is nothing more than a mad-man with a badge,whose adrenaline addiction,murky ethics and frustration work against his better judgement...Featuring one of the most startling car chases in all of cinema, To Live and Die in L.A. has languished in video discount bins for far too long.Now, its not perfect, Friedkin's direction can be a bit heavy handed at times, he has no idea whay the word overkill means...for example,during the totally rip n' smash car chase Chance is driving his car up a one way turnpike,the wrong way,naturally, whilst takin a lot of abuse from high powered automatic machine-gun fire!! So,as you can imagine hes under pressure...and hes totally gettin' off on it,thats obvious,we know this..we don't need Friedkin giving us a quick flashback to an earlier part of the movie where Chance is bunjee jumpin'!! Yes Bill, we know hes an adrenaline junkie we don't need to be force fed the fact. He does this a few times,most notably at the end of the movie..I won't spoil it for you.

Thats a minor gripe...'To Live And Die In L.A.' is a no-holes-barred look at the underbelly of 80's Los Angeles with some designer stubble,denim thats way too tight and baggy leather jackets thrown in! If you like cop dramas you can't miss it...its got attitude,yuppie criminals,incredible car chases,shotgun blasts to the face,a dodgy 80's soundtrack and William Petersen giving a carrer best performance.....

QUETZALCOATL!!!

Larry Cohen can do it, really, he can! He has me convinced that a monster can fly around Manhattan in broad daylight without being detected.....no sorry,not a monster but an ancient Aztec winged demi-god no less!

'Q' is a total riot...a homage to B-movies of the 50's like 'The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms' and 'King Kong' (1933).

Loser Jimmy Quinn (Michael Moriarty) is off the drugs and booze, but can't get a job playing piano, so falls in with some crooks as a bank getaway driver. All that gets him is a limp from being half-run over by a car. Fleeing the goons, Jimmy climbs to the top of the Chrysler building - up in the tower, where he finds a nest with a giant egg!!!!Quetzalcoatl flies around the city, eating hapless construction workers and women sunbathing nude.Q offers us up a little bit of 80's gore, a decapitation, some severed limbs, a bit of ritual skinning, plus an old-fashioned stop-motion creature.Energetically paced and adamant in its refusal to either question the logic of the premise or take itself too seriously, Q is probably Cohen's funniest,and most enjoyable movie.

Larry Cohen threw this mini-masterpiece together in just18 days after he was sacked from directing 'I am Jury'. Shot with a very small crew, 'Q' is pure guerrilla filmmaking at its best. The crew did an amazing job considering the lack of script and having to work on a day-to-day basis with Cohen. No extras were used – all those people on the streets are genuine New Yorkers – hence their bemused staring. Cohen was keen to capture as much authentic panic as he possibly could; it is tactics like this that help shape a standard B feature into a cult classic....and for gods sake don't hang out on the roof tops!

70'S PARANOIA!

THE PARALLAX VIEW.....is probably the greatest political, paranoid thriller of the 70's and when you consider just how political and paranoid 70's America was, then its gotta be worth a look right? Director Alan J. Pakula does'nt make the mistake of treating his audience like spoon- fed fools, his films are complex, thought provoking and in the case of THE PARALLAX VIEW great to look at. He takes advantage of 'Cinemascope' with huge wide shots and puts Warren Beatty's character,Joseph Frady into the middle of them...just to demonstrate how insignificant he is! Frady is an investigative journalist, alerted to the mysterious deaths of witnesses to the assassination of a presidential candidate, who embarks on an investigation that reveals a nebulous conspiracy of gigantic and all-embracing scope. I think its probably Warren Beattys best performance, hes quite cocky and self-assured to begin with, then as his investigation becomes clearer(or not!) he realises that hes way over his head. Beatty is hardly active these days, but you gotta admire him...how many other actors can you name that have only ever played leads??

The opening sequence(which was designed to mirror that of Robert F. Kennedy's 1968 assassination) is gripping to say the least. Pakula's use of light, shapes, and darkness creates a sense of uncertainty and sets the tone for the rest of the movie.

"Parallax" -- " the difference between what a camera's viewfinder sees and what the camera records, especially at close distances"...thats the dictionary definition anyway!

So, if you wanna recreate some twitchy, intelligent, paranoid, 70's cinema...mix yourself a bunch of bourbons and put on Coppola's 'The Conversation' Phillip Kaufman's 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' and Alan J. Pakula's 'Parallax View'......and remember...trust NO ONE!

THE BEST WESTERN EVER??

Ok, so its quite a sweeping statement I know,there are a lot of great westerns out there(Dollars trilogy,Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid,Keoma,Unforgiven...the list goes on!) but Josey Wales is the most satisfing. The script by Phillip Kaufman,who would go on to direct 'The Wright Stuff' 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' and 'The Unbearable likeness of Daniel Day Lewis' is tight,pacey.fluid and witty--"When I get to likin' someone they ain't around long"-"I noticed when you get to dislikin' someone they ain't around long neither"

Josey lives the idlyic farm life with his son and wife unfortunately a gang of redlegs make it their business to loot and destroy his home,simultaneously killing Josey's wife and child. With everything that he ever cared for gone, Josey retrieves his gun from the charred remains (from a previous life?) and prepares for retribution. Joining a company of men led by Fletcher (John Vernon), Josey plunges himself into the Confederate cause.He is a cold-blooded killer by reputation,and his status is LEGENDARY! When two back water hicks get the drop on him-"I got me the Josey Wales"-they get dispatched and then get a huge 'baccy brown gob on their foreheads(Josey's calling card!) for their trouble.Two trappers eat hot lead at a trading post, a bunch of Regulators that are on his tail get taken on a 'Masoura boat ride'. A bounty hunter gets in Josey's way and bites the big one-"Mans gotta do somethin' for a livin' these days"-"Dyin' ain't much of a livin' boy". All amazing, quoteable lines but my favourite-"You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" Josey is a total gun-totin' bad ass yet this is a position forced onto him by circumstance rather than choice. Fundamentally he is compassionate and altruistic.

Josey picks up all sorts of characters along the way but the greatest has to be an old Indian, played by Chief Dan George with such wonderfully understated wit that there should have been an Oscar nomination around somewhere. "I myself never surrendered," he explains to Josey Wales. "But they got my horse, and he surrendered.They probably have him pullin' a wagon up in Kansas I'll bet"

Although it did not garner similar critical praise when it was released, Clint considers The Outlaw Josey Wales to be the equal of the Oscar-winning Unforgiven(1992)Made in the shadow of Vietnam and Watergate, the film conveys a bitter distrust of government but also a longing to live in peace, this feeling is hammered home in the scene where Josey goes to meet Indian Chief Ten Bears, I won't spoil it for you, just to say that this scene is amazing and Clint has never had to say so much dialogue in one take before or since!. The Outlaw Josey Wales was Clint's last great western until 'Unforgiven',but he did'nt forget about the gun-fighter...he just moved him into the 20th century and changed his name from Josey Wales to Harry Callaghan!

Orson Welles, in an appearance on the MERV GRIFFIN SHOW, said of THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES, "When I saw that picture for the fourth time, I realized that it belongs with the great Westerns. You know, the great Westerns of Ford and Hawks and people like that.".....So, the best western ever?...."I reckon so"

GIALLO....THAMES SIDE!

FRENZY...was Hitchcock's pentultimate film,certainly his last great one (his final movie 'Family Plot' is more like an episode of Charlies Angels) and the first to be shot in London since 1956's The Man Who Knew Too Much.There’s a tightly woven script from Anthony Shaffer, the author of the same year’s hit whodunnit parody,the amazing Sleuth (1972) and The Wicker Man (1973). Alfred Hitchcock's homecoming is certainly a macabre one, and Frenzy doesn't fail on that score.Corpses washing up on the shores of the Thames, profanity, nudity,sadism,violence towards women..well lets just say all the giallo staples are present and correct.Hitch thinks that a dead body is the funniest thing in the world—he more than meets his quota for rigor mortis jokes with Frenzy. And as much as the film strives to be contemporary, there's something decidedly old fashioned and almost smutty about the sexual content. When a couple checks into a hotel room, for instance, the bellboy knowingly whispers to the gentleman: "Can I get you anything from the pharmacy, sir?" Wink, wink!Our hero is Blaney, played by Jon Finch—he's down on his luck. He feuds with his boss for sneaking too much liquor, and gets fired from his job as a bartender; he figures he'll cadge off his ex-wife, who has met with financial success since their divorce by opening what's euphemistically called a matrimonial agency. (It's a dating service.) But there are bigger troubles in store for Blaney—a serial murderer is stalking the women of London, first raping his victims and then strangling them with neckties, leaving the sartorial weapon around their throats, his crime-scene signature.Women get a poor deal in Frenzy. From the first reel, everything points to Blaney being the necktie murderer—hostile, bitter, with motive and opportunity. Can it all be as obvious as it seems?As always with Hitchcock there was always an undeniably perverse undertow and, as many Hitchcock biographers have noted, a misogyny towards women.

Frenzy is Hitchcocks own British made Giallo...all the trade marks are there...a beautifully shot murder mystery with arresting imagery,a myriad use of the zoom lens, intrepid police inspectors and quite brutal sexual dispatchings...of women of course!There are a few differences though, in Frenzy we know the killers identity fairly early on, whereas the giallo would present us with a murderous guessing game,complete with all the stalk-and-slash tactics which are the giallo stock in trade, also the giallo weapon of choice-the knife-is replaced by a neck-tie!The touches that kept Frenzy from mere adequacy spring from Hitchcock's twisted genius. The sweeping aerial entrance into London, as grand as it is, pales before the far more interesting and daring choices to follow. From a camera that snakes down a winding staircase, like withdrawing co-conspirator, to holding a shot of no importance for very lengthy seconds simply to heighten the tension of an inevitable discovery, to cutting audio in and out and in again during a verdict and sentencing.If you love the giallo your gonna love frenzy,ok, so the female cast is somewhat harder on the eye..(Anna Massey is NO Edwige Fenech or Anita Strindberg!)but it is giallo industry standard...70's London Style.It might not be vintage Hitchcock, but Frenzy illustrates that, even towards the end of his career, the fat lad from Leytonstone was still au fait with shock and suspense...

SEE NAPLES AND DIE!

POLIZIOTTESCHI.....probably a word that means nothing to you, but if you like graphic violence,car chases,vigilantism,heists,gun fights,70's outfits and corruption at the highest level, your gonna want to know more! Poliziotteschi is the nick-name for the sub genre of crime and action movies that came out of Italy in the late 60's and became very popular in the 70's.Clearly inspired by the success of Don Siegel's Dirty Harry (1971), the Italian crime film genre tends to focus on rebellious cops, fed up with the legal system and all of its red tape, and determined to use any brutal means in order to attain justice. While these films aren't terribly "PC" by today's standards, they nevertheless tap into a deep-rooted sense of "eye for an eye" justice and can now find their parallel in the antics of all manner of TV cops! Italian producers certainly played the export percentages by casting American actors to, most of the time, play supporting roles...Henry Silva,Woody Strode,John Saxon,James Mason,Oliver Reed,Charles Bronson...the list goes on and these guys were only to willing to take these parts as work was sorta drying up for them back home. Italian producers and directors thought that these American actors would be a bigger draw for the cinema going public,but believe me, all of them would play second fiddle to all the big collar wearin',tache sportin', ass kickin', bitch slappin',lady charmin' Italian actors who, with enthusiasm,charm and over the top performances would act them off the screen!! No kiddin'!!! I'm talkin' about Tomas Milian(starred in 'Traffic', 'Oz') Franco Nero, Luc Merenda,Ray Lovelock and the late, great Maurizio Merli...my personal favourite. Maurizio bears more than a passing resemblance to Franco Nero and thats why he was cast,initialy anyway, in his first poliziotteschi movie 'Violent Rome'but he possesses a strength and charm all his own, and easily surpasses ol' Franco when it comes to sheer charisma....Merli is SO easy to watch...and he was born to play 'The Iron Inspector'...as his characters were to become known.

I first seen him in 'Violent Naples' directed by Umberto Lenzi, a master of the genre.Umberto Lenzi is, in many respects, a classic example of the working directors who dominate the Italian film industry. Respected and admired by a high percentage of Italian movie buffs, he worked in a number of popular genres but he,in my opinion,dominated the poliziotteschi...his direction could often be seen as almost comic book in style,which is quite in keeping with the genre.Maurizio plays Commisario Betti who sets out to clean up a protection racket run by the Commandant(Barry Sullivan).Violent Naples moves from fire bombings to beatings to bank hold-ups to gunfights to rape without missing a beat. Lenzi doesn't give you time to catch your breath before your off to the next action set-piece. Maurizio would team up with Umberto Lenzi a few more times-Rome:Armed to the teeth and The Cynic,the Rat and the Fist both of which are severe and totally worth pickin' up. Most of these movies are dubbed which sorta adds to the appeal and charm, but the people at NO SHAME DVD, have been releasing quite a few special editions that have the option of subs or dubbing. They released 'Convoy Busters' one of the later poliziotteschi,directed by Stelvio Massi and starring,thats right, Mr. Maurizio Merli. In one scene hes interrogating a female suspect,whose tied to a chair,Maurizio's tache is in full flow and his veins on his forehead are throbbing like fuck...with the dubbing switched on he says.."Your lawyer will be hear in 30 minutes...and believe me your gonna live it!!" with the subs he says "Your lawyers gonna be here soon..so I've got 30 minutes to beat the shit outta you!" Holy shit..either way you cant lose! Noshame do a great job of remastering the picture and the sound giving you as many extras as you can shake a .44 magnum at...cheers fellas! There are so many of these movies that are also worth mentioning...Almost Human, Emergency Squad, Violent Professionals,Colt 38 Special Squad, La Mala Ordina...the list goes on!

Towards the end of the 70's the poliziotteschi had run its course, but not before soaking the map of Italy in a river of blood. But they are gettin' a lot more attention these days, with directors like Steven Soderberg and Quentin Tarantino commenting on how much the have influenced their work.But for me, the streets of Rome and Naples will never seem as dangerous as they did when Umberto Lenzi,Sergio Martino or Stelvio Massi turned their cameras loose on them!

MARVEL'S MAIN MAN!

Ed Brubaker is Marvel's greatest writer right now! Its true...without doubt! Bendis is a great writer too, but Ed is writing the best books that are on the shelves. Its hard to believe with as much output that he has goin' on that his books are CONSISTANTLY great...no, sorry...AMAZIN'!His first major work for Marvel was the fifth relaunch of the Captain America series. Paired with artist Steve Epting, Brubaker's Captain America introduced new villains and resurrected the long dead character Bucky as the cyborg assassin "The Winter Soldier". The series was a sales and critical success from its first issue. Nick Fury was back, Sharon Carter, The Red Skull,Crossbones (gotta love him!),The Falcon,Union Jack...the list goes on.Bringing back Bucky as the Winter Soldier could have been a really, really bad move,but no, it was a total genius move,The Winter Soldier very quickly became an amazing character in the new volume of Captain America.Programmed to be a Soviet assassin, he was given the code name the Winter Soldier and sent on covert missions through the years, becoming increasingly ruthless and efficient as he killed in the name of the state. The Winter Soldier's only sign of reluctance was in America in the 1970s; after killing his target, he suffered a breakdown and went missing for days.The Winter Soldier was kept in stasis when not on missions, and as a resulthas aged only a few years since the closing days of World War II. Well, thats all well and good, but what Ed will probably be best remembered for is the killing of Captain America!!! You all know the story so I'm not gonna go on! Needless to say that Ed is still writing Captain America without its title character and its STILL one of the best books on the shelves!!!

So if writing Cap is not enough he won the assignment of writing Daredevil, beating out several other applicants! When people talk about Daredevil they talk about Frank Miller's and Bendis' run..and rightly so they are totally severe and totally elevated the character and added gravitas to a minor street level hero...big boots to fill, but Ed Brubaker has totally knocked it outta the park with his 'DD'! When Bendis left, Matt was outed in the press as Daredevil,and thrown in the 'gen pop' at Rykers on some bullshit charge! His first story arc for the double D is truly amazin'! Every fucker in Rykers has got it in for Matt..The Owl, The Tarantula (cheers for bringin' him back Ed!) Wilson Fisk....and if that was'nt enough..BULLSEYE arrives! shit, its like an episode of 'OZ'!! Matt is in severe difficulties...his oldest friend gets fucked up and the pressure keeps piling on..but Matt gets help from Marvels favourite ass-kickin' psycho..Mr. Frank Castle. When Franco reads in the papers whats happened to Matt he gives himself up so he can be put into Rykers to give Matt a hand...in his own fucked up way of course!!..."I want to see what its like when you turn into me!" This storyline is totally severe, what a way to start your stint on Hells Kitchens' very own guardian angel!

Lastly..but by no means least...'THE IMMORTAL IRON FIST' In the first issue Brubaker and Fraction capture what was essential about Iron Fist before (mysticism, action-packed battles, robot foes like “Mechagorgon”) and promise to up the stakes on the very colorful life led by a fairly normal, bland young man. The last page reveal is suitably enigmatic, promising more to come from Danny’s newly mysterious heritage.“I am the Iron Fist. I hold back the storm when nothing else can.”...no shit!In the pages of "Immortal Iron Fist", it is revealed that the Iron Fist is a legacy power, and that to date there have been sixty-six Iron Fists. The existence of Orson Randall, the previous Iron Fist, has also been revealed, and the two are mysteriously able to share the power of the Iron Fist. Randall is also teaching Danny how to use his powers in different ways than how he has previously.IRON FIST is witty, gritty, dark, different and action packed..Ed Brubaker could bring out a monthly title for the shitty Avenger 'Triathlon' and I'd still buy it! Really, do yourself a favour and get these titles if your not already...the only thing he needs to do now is start writing Moon Knight and let the X-men die in some bizarre air lock disaster!

A REMAKE THATS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL???

Is it possible? A remake to be better than the original? Pretty much all remakes suck ass...not this one! When I first saw it, it totally got under my skin...now, years later that has'nt changed.This remake starred Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwrigt, Leonard Nimoy and Jerry Walter. It was adapted by W. D. Richter and directed by Philip Kaufman. Unlike other remakes the critics loved it and it performed well at the box-office.

Kaufman moves the story to the inner city...which helps create the constant sense of paranoia (the F.B.I. headquarters is in the background of several shots!!), off-kilter camera angles,some shots filmed in half light and the protagonists are almost always observed by faces at windows and strangers in hallways...unbeknownst to them of course,all add to the uneasy feeling of paranoia!In one scene, Matthew (Donald Sutherland)calls Washington for help, only to find his calls are being intercepted and his name is known to the person on the other line before he gives it. This scene summons up the sort of anti-government fears that were very strong at the time due to Americas involvement in Vietnam.


There are a number of cameo appearances in the film; the star of the original film, Kevin McCarthy, appears briefly as a man on the street frantically screaming about aliens ("They're here!"), in a shot reminiscent of one of the final shots of the original. The original's director, Don Siegel appears as a devious cab driver. Robert Duvall is also seen briefly, and Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia plays banjo on the soundtrack


All this makes for a very atmospheric,frightening and gripping piece of American 70's cinema...a period in cinema history were movies were'nt as safe as they are now! Oh yeah, and it has one of the best endings EVER!

INTEROCITOR!

Cal Meacham (the amazingly named Rex Reason!) walks away from his plane knowing he should have crashed. His jet was dead and out of control, but at the last minute it was grabbed and safely landed by--something..something green... some green unknown force!! THIS ISLAND EARTH...what a total gem! Its up there with THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL and FORBIDDEN PLANET! It has it all...amazing special effects, b-movie dialogue, alien mutants, b-movie boffins and aliens with big foreheads!

Aliens recruit top, hip-cat scientists from around the globe to help save their dying planet. Thats it in a nutshell...it is'nt a Jesus allegory (Day Earth Stood Still)or a re-imagining of Shakespears-The Tempest (Forbidden Planet)..its just B-movie, sci-fi eye-candy that elevates itself above the other 50's sci-fi drek with its eye-popping colour,great sets charismatic aliens and of course 'the Interocitor'. Cal 'lantern jaw' Meacham first becomes aware of the interocitor when a book arrives at his lab entitled, Electronic Service, Unit #16. Inside is contained a bill of materials for the interocitor, describing it as, "incorporating greater advances than hitherto known in the field of electronics". From the specifications, Meacham opines, "There's no limit to what it could do. Laying a four lane highway at the rate of a mile a minute would be a cinch."...dig that crazy mixed up plumbing!!

Cal and bimbo Ruth (who are about as convincing as scientists as William Holden was as a gunfighter!) learn that Exetor and his band are aliens from the planet Metaluna, come to Earth seeking scientists to help them defend their planet in the war against the evil Zagons. Though they protest, Exetor informs them that he is taking them back to his dying, war-torn planet, in the hope that they can do something to help it.Its on Metaluna that we meet the 'Mu-tant'...what gene pool that mad dog came from is anybodys guess? Exetor might have persuaded them, but Metaluna's ruler reveals his plan to invade Earth and orders the humans brainwashed. Alone on an alien world, Meacham and Adams must fight their way past hideous mutants back to their only hope of escape--Exetor's spaceship. Ok, so I've said enough...you just gotta see this movie, the special effects are comparable to anything today, but THIS ISLAND EARTH has so much more charm!

THE MAD TITAN!

If Marvel ever had a resourceful,powerful,relentless,intelligent,nihilistic,scheming,calculating god-like uber-villain it would undoubtably be THANOS!.....no, I repeat no other villain comes close! The Big T has went for the executive position in the universe more times than anyone else..and hes got it a few times too,and The Mad Titan himself usually causes his own downfall!

Thanos was created by Jim Starlin and first appeared in Iron Man vol. 1, #55. Jim Starlin is a bit of a god when it comes to writing storylines of huge cosmic significance..I mean, THE INFINITY GAUNTLET!!!!...what else do I have to say. He also created the former Protector of the Universe the late, great Captain Marvel(who they resurrected in Civil War-The Return....it was shit!..what were they thinkin'?),and the confused cosmic intellectual Adam Warlock...more Warlock please Marvel! But Starlin's baby beautiful has to be Thanos. Thanos was born on Titan, a moon of the planet Saturn. Due to a genetic quirk Thanos is born with the Deviant gene and as such resembles the Deviants - the Eternals cousin race - more than his own people.Although treated fairly by his race, Thanos is mindful of his appearance and becomes distant, only keeping company with his brother Eros. Thanos matures to adulthood, and via the use of bionics and mysticism augments his abilities to easily become the most powerful of the Titanian-born Eternals.
Bitter at being an outsider, Thanos becomes fascinated with nihilism and then embarks on his quest to "please" death, and begins by conducting a nuclear bombardment of Titan that kills millions of his race. Thanos' mother is thought to have died during the bombardment, but years later it is discovered that he kidnaps and then dissects her. He later travels to Earth, and prior to landing his vessel destroys a nearby car to prevent anyone from becoming aware of his existence. Unknown to Thanos, two of the family members in the vehicle survive - the father's spirit is preserved by the Titanian cosmic entity Chronos and is given a new form as Drax the Destroyer while the daughter is found by Thanos' father Mentor and is raised to become Moondragon.

Anyway,I could go on ranting about Thanos forever,but I wanna talk about about Avengers Annual #7...what a total classic(the second part of the story is told in Marvel 2 in 1 annual #2)

Thanos combines the energies from the Soul Gem with the energies of the other Infinity Gems to power a weapon that is capable of destroying a star. Thanos then plans to painstakingly snuff out every star in the universe as a gift to Death. He can't get enuff of those Infinity gems and he is gaggin' to give Death the high hard one....Deviant!! Anyway, the Avengers sense something is up...thanks to Cap.Marvel's Cosmic Awareness and throw themselves into the void hoping to thwart Big T's plans....and god, they are shitting themselves!!!! They know hes as tight as fuck! Thanos goes toe-to-toe with all the Avengers and hardly breaks a sweat,and where battle is joined you'll find him kickin' ass,to the point were he actually kills Adam Warlock!It looks like the Big T is goin' for universal domination and nobody can stand in his way...wanna know what happens? Go buy it,its a marvel milestone...you have no excuses! Jim Starlin's love for Thanos is apparent in his writing and artwork,and I cant get enough! The Infinity Gauntlet(and the build up in Silver Surfer vol.3 and The Thanos Quest) is Thanos' greatest appearance,without doubt. But in later stories for example 'Epihany' we see a more repentant and contemplative Thanos,were he realises omnipotence is not for a single being alone. He was last seen in Annihilation..were he was killed by Drax the Destroyer!!!!!!!! I mean, what the fuck!!! There is no way Drax in his wannabe Riddick look could sneak up behind Thanos and pluck out his heart...dead on!!! He'll be back! Give him the PROTECTOR OF THE UNIVERSE position...seriously,now that hes over the whole I'm-gonna-kill-half-the-universe-for-my-girlfriend thing! Hes the only man for the job...I'd employ him!!

Its not so bad!!

The Champions was a short-lived superhero team,who, just did'nt seem to gel at all!Published in the 1975-1978 series The Champions, the team, formally known as "The Champions of Los Angeles", was Marvel's first to be set on the U.S. West Coast, rather than in the Marvels usual locale, New York City.

Originally, writer Tony Isabella wanted the Champions to be a two-man group consisting of former X-Men, Angel and Iceman, but editor Len Wein insisted the team contain at least five members and Isabella added several previously-established heroes: Russian spy Black Widow (who serves as the team’s leader), the Greek god Hercules and the supernatural anti-hero Ghost Rider. Another Russian hero, Darkstar, joins after participating in an attempt to kidnap the Black Widow. Had the series continued, the team reportedly was to expand to include Black Goliath and Jack of Hearts.So, what was the problem? Well most of the storylines sucked ass,thats about it really,and the heroes that made up the team were a bit b-list! The origin issues,whose villains consisted of Olympian Harpies runnin' around Central park,talkin like Yoda and bein' fairly hard on the eye...is not a grabber! The Champions tend to get a very hard time, from Marvel fans and even the characters themselves...In Uncanny X-Men #332 (1996), Iceman calls the team an embarrassment and remarks, “Do you know how hard it is to find supervillains in Los Angeles?”, while in Defenders #135 (Sep. 1984) Angel describes the Champions as "a nightmare -- we just didn't know what we were doing". I'm fairly sure Warren, that you were spending your Daddys money cause you like the Superhero lifestyle thing....Angel is a bit of a waste of space!!
After sayin' all of that though, The Champions really starts to show some promise in their very last issue. The Mighty John Byrne had been doin' a few issues and it made a hell of a difference. Unus the untouchable,The Blob and Loreli burst into the Champions tower sayin' that the Sentinels are on their ass for no reason at all,and that this little known super team are their last hope. But naturally the terrible trio at at their work!!!! Brotherhood of Evil Mutants rejects..hmmp!!...cant be trusted! John Byrne's single page panel work is,once again, outstanding and it makes this bit of Bronze Age nostalgia worth a squint! Re-reading the Champions is fun,especially the last half of their run...if only to see Hercules in his old skool calipers!

BENDIS vs BENDIS

NEW AVENGERS VS MIGHTY AVENGERS!!... Now that there is two Avenger titles out there,both by Mr. Bendis, you have to ask the question...which do you prefer? Well, lets see...maybe we should start at the beginning which is probably 'AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED' ,now I loved this storyline...A lot of fans did'nt like this at all.Here was one of Marvel's big, new writers totally fuckin' with the old Avenger stalwarts Cap,Scarlet Witch,Iron Man all the ususal crew...My God he even killed off The Vision,Ant-Man and Ol' Hawkeye himself...but in serious style! Finch's artwork and panel placement was severe...and Hawkeye went out swingin'. Theres gotta be consequences when you play Superhero right? The Avengers finally realised this! What next for Marvels flagship super team? Enter the New Avengers..Captain America,Iron Man,Spiderman,Wolverine,Luke Cage,Spider Woman,The Sentry...even DareDevil had their back for an issue or two! 'Breakout!' totally rocked...pacey,a lot of banter and the feeling that something new was happening. The second storyline 'The Sentry' was'nt so good...it sorta dragged.Where as 'Secrets and Lies' the third storyline was great...GO NINJAS! After a few more issues 'CIVIL WAR' happened...probably the biggest and best major cross-over event since 'THE INFINITY GAUNTLET' The Avengers and all of Marvels Superheroes were split down the middle and.....well,we all know the rest!

The Mighty Avengers consist of Ms.Marvel (leader,Bendis and Cho totally have the hots for her),Ares (Fabio...romantic icon!) Black Widow,Wonder Man(hes back in his leisure suit...nice one!)The Sentry and The Winsome Wasp. This newest title has a lot of potential. I mean, its gonna be great to see the Mighty Avengers go up against some major threats,major villains and some serious fucked up alternate universe hi-jinx just like they did back in the Bronze Age...Thanos,Masters of Evil,The Kree and The Skrulls,Nefaria all need to get a look in! In this first story arc, the main man(shit, sorry,woman!!)Ultron is back....I dont like what they've done to him/her...but what you gonna do? Cho's artwork suits this new line up and I'm totally enjoying how the books goin'.

But hey,...it does'nt compare to the New Avengers!!! Outlaws on the run,what a gem! They are hunted like Josey Wales himself...what could be better?In the aftermath of Civil War the New Avengers team includes Echo, a new Ronin (Clint Barton, formerly Hawkeye), Doctor Strange, Wolverine, Spider-Woman, Spider-Man, Iron Fist, and Luke Cage. Luke Cage is now the leader of the team,(what a fearsome line-up!) and their base is Dr. Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum, magically disguised as the location of a future Starbucks. They are now motivated by saving people "how they want to". They are also looking for the true enemy behind the reason of "why the world is upside down." A lot of fans have criticised Leinil Yu's artwork...I dont understand that?? Its totally in keeping with the feel of the book,dark and gritty. Bendis says that both books will run in tandem with each other at times,were both teams will experience same things but from a different perspective.Stark wants to hunt down the New Avengers like a bunch of rabid dogs,so,with a bit of luck we are gonna see both teams go at it...big time! A lot of fans think that The Mighty Avengers are gonna kick ass 'cause they are the heavy hitters. Dont believe it! The New Avengers have the balls and the attitude to kick ass,besides I wanna see just how many shades of shit Danny Rand's Iron Fist can puch outta Starks armour...totally gaggin'! The only criticism I have is the absence of Captain America! Its hard to picture an Avengers team without Cap. But Ed Brubaker is possibly Marvels best writer right now...hes gonna totally fuck with us for a year of two then bring back Steve Rogers...big style! Until then...the New Avengers will keep kickin' ass..so make mine Marvel!